At the risk of coming off like an insecure blow fish, I'm not scared of too many things. Clowns frighten me in a completely unnatural, but semi comical manner, and I do have a weird habit of hiding when I hear the ominously loud purcussions of a garbage truck driving down my alley that passes by the window with a dirty doppler of an engine rumble. For the most part though, there are few things that truly instill fear into my soul. I am, however, fearful of potential outcomes that will change the way I live.
Selfishly, having chosen a profession with the risk of crash and potential dismemberment and paralysis, the thought has crossed my mind that if I were to suffer one of these debilitating blows, I seriously doubt I would have the drive to continue such a limited existence. Please note that this has drastically changed how I look at those who have sustained such a change and continue to live a fulfilled existence. I have many admiring moments of "that takes such courage" when observing these folks and I tip my proverbial hat to them. However if I were in the same situation, I just don't see how I could wake up every day, having at one point had the ability to move unconditionally, and keep my chin up to all of the world's ups and downs.
I cant help but wonder if this would occur in an emotional manner as well. Although I have put safeguards into place that limit the effect that another person has on my emotional well being, I have not had the opportunity to develop such a safeguard in case of an introverted, catastrophic event. If something that had been woven into the garment of who I am were to be, without warning or reason, torn out causing the aforementioned garment to unravel, I don't think I have anything else in my closet to wear. I'm forced with the realization that it might be time for me to go shopping.
I woke up with fear of drastic change his morning. Even though I was gifted an amazingly unexpected distraction, the idea of possible drastic change to my wardrobe is clear in my mind, manifesting physically in an uneasy stomach and a pain in my side. I hate that, and I'm fearful of it.
:as I expect the worst, I will receive the best:
Rise Up
11 years ago
Just know you're not going through this alone. There are many people who love and care about you, your health, and wellbeing. Everything is going to be ok. Remember what that little saying on my board was?
ReplyDeleteThings will work out in the end. If they haven't worked out, then it's not the end.
D