overwhelming guilt....

As human beings we are genetically predisposed to find a mate and reproduce. That would be a fundamental driving force of any organism, and insures the survival of a species. I'm having a hard time understanding why emotions are involved though. More often then not, they just seem to get people into trouble. Whether its one who oversteps their boundaries and lives a life controlled by greed, or one who allows themselves to be taken advantage of in an effort to gain approval from others around them; its just a painful way to go. Granted that without emotion, life at times would be not worth living. Maybe emotion is an evolutionary trait developed to keep the species going when times get tough and a mate is not easily found.

As a coping mechanism, I lost my footing and slipped into a hole in which I am far too familiar. One that holds no respect for it's occupant. Although in one hand it serves as Novocain for the soul, and allows hurt to be diluted and in some cases replaced by genuine amusement, it also has the potential to set people back in one of many ways. I was recently under the impression that current emotions were far too much for me to deal with sober, and required its darkness and solitude, but am now filled with overwhelming guilt for returning to a chapter that Ive completed some time ago. Its not accomplishing anything anymore. In the words of the late George Carlin, "In the beginning you start using it. But at some point, if you're not careful, it starts using you, and that's when things get messy."

I need new ways of dealing with things. Its becoming more and more clear that the old way of doing things isn't working out. It, without question, benefited me for so long and I appreciate the lessons I learned while i was encapsulated in the bubble of previous solutions, but as for the evolution of man, more specifically the evolution of self, Its time that I accept the fact that I don't possess solutions to all of the problems I encounter.

Officially, I announce to the world:
"I embrace change"