dear world: thanks for last night

The customized method that we all develop to help deal with loss is a right of passage as a human being. Some people shut down, some seek help from others, some ignore, some rationalize. regardless of how, there is always a method established via trial and error that hopefully serves its purpose.

Then, there's my may. For the most part, I accept my reality, but do so with a keen knowledge of what makes for a uncontrolled downward spiral. I ride that line far too often it seems; but i do so in an effort to not take shit for granted. Some people seek a surge of adrenaline in an effort to reassure themselves that they are in fact alive. I think, to an extent, I do the same thing with my emotions. Rarely do I invest fully, for good reason.

It was on a refreshing summer evening's bike ride that it hit me. My new two-wheeled transport came without lights, and once the summer sun had set, the streets became a river filled with unknown obstacles and hazards. Distant lights illuminated innocuous bumps and divots, but I perceived them to be course altering obstructions. Street lamps only lit up the path a third of the time, forcing me to make the decision. So there I was. In a comfortable, semi-unknown environment, with people whose friendship I cherish, trusting that everything would work out as my reimbursement for the decent karma I have projected over the last few months. Riding on a summer night like I had done many times before in my youth, trusting for the first time in what would be the greater part of 17 years, that as long as I soldier on, everything would be alright. graciously, I acknowledged and accepted this moment of peaceful zen.

Then a bug flew straight into my eye.

With a bloodshot eye this morning I wonder: do I accept last night's moment as a gift? or was it a slap in the face from reality, letting me know that my acceptance for the worlds actions was nothing more than a hoax, and a way to deal with loss. There's no denying I am in a transitional period, of which the main objective is to find a new way to deal with things. But how far do I look into things? Have my losses caused me to read too far into a summer nights bike ride? I hope not. Because last night, although insignificant to most, was significantly special to me.