The chances of waking up tomorrow in a feeling of recovery and regret are high, but a drunk mind does have a tendency to speak sober thought. Thoughts that, although repressed on a normal occasion, need to be set free and run their course. With friends around to announce a third party perspective, it is with much regret that I surrender to the realization that Ive been taken for a ride. For whatever reason, whether it be to obtain a level of comfort or immediate gratification, Ive put myself into a position to be taken advantage of. If not now...when do I state that enough is enough.
Ive obtained the tools to be stronger than this. Ive experienced and processed the highs and lows of my current that lead me to the realization that I'm nothing more than a convenient solution. One that allows another to shape and mold my way of being to compliment their own chaotic ways in an effort to provide some sort of stability in a "less than ideal" result.
In the grand scheme of things, Ive not allowed enough time for wounds to heal, but as for the right here, right now mentality; that which applies to me on a day to day basis; the reasoning that applies to a protective sense of self; this is the point at which I'd be running low on the fuel to function on a constructive level. I have, in the past, put myself into a position of self destruction in an effort to rebuild a newer, better me; and i question the positivity of that practice.
I now am not only satisfied with the proverbial empire I've established, but i take pride in it's maintenance.
Take some time. Think about what you need out of life. If, when you awake in the morning and have your first thought of uninfluenced clarity, you allow me to be a part of it, I will be forever grateful for the opportunity partake in such an extravagant existence. However, if there is no vacancy for someone who is seeking such an intimate position in your life, I need to be informed. The scale of the time line can never change, as it is the one variable that will, no matter how valiant the attempt, remain as constant as the dawning sun.
Yesterday's understandable result, although preservative to one, is harmful to another, and is refused to be sustained without consequence. Tell me if this is a falsely manifested conclusion. Tell me if you think otherwise. As for now, I have no choice but to abide by the conclusions which have presented themselves with the limited information that has been volunteered.
This is by no means a goodbye, but rather a plea for communication, as painful as it may be.
Rise Up
11 years ago